i had my first REAL day back at school after a long time. it feels kind of weird to be back in a proper learning environment, but i'm still really excited. the next two years are going to pass by unreasonably fast, and i know by the end of it i'll be staring down the line at myself missing it. i'm telling myself that this is what i've been waiting for for literally 2-3 years, so i know i have to put my whole self into it. at the same time, i also got way more hours at work, so the actual micromanaging is about to finally begin. i'm promising myself not to waste this opportunity that i've been looking forward to for so long
✱ fall is probably my favorite season ever. although something about it feels so extremely lonely and like an impending feeling of dull sadness(even though i'm not necessarily lonely at all. i feel like it's due to almost all of my past life-changing and formative experiences having happened during that particular season or maybe it's just the early setting of the sun. idk
✱ talking with my dear friends family and other loved ones about vacationing together in japan after everyone graduates. so giddy with excitement to finally be able to travel freely
✱ gonna be turning 22 in a couple of months. tbh i am so thankful that i am no longer saddened with every new year that gets added to my age. i'm beyond thankful for every year that i'm alive and the new experiences and people that come with each one.
✱ "and it seemed that one day, without even knowing it, i had found myself staring silently upward at the beautiful spiral that was going to be the first day of the rest of my life."
08.17.24 // 12:02am_
i currently have ~3 different stories that i'm working on / thinking about (all of which i want to turn into either rpg games or a series of comics i host here on this site). i want to make little pages dedicated to each of them eventually, but i just don't have enough concrete things right now to do that. for now, here's a little brief synopsis of each of them.
Terazoma: Core's World Tour - the story follows Mak, a carefree and directionless 20-something. she lives a mundane but pleasant life until a chance encounter during a night shift at her part-time job leads her to the depths of the underworld, conveniently tucked away in the earth's core. here, she meets a wide array of characters that she explores the universe with. extra details: she runs a monster daycare <3 also heavily inspired by the universe of dorohedoro, if that's your thing
Lullaby of an Aquarium - working name. idk what exactly to call it just yet but I'm going with this for now... the story follows sealah, a shy, artistic, and socially anxious 17 year old girl on the cusp of adulthood and high school graduation. after her mother's passing, she moves back into her childhood home near a sleepy seaside town. she struggles with feelings of isolation as she navigates her new circumstances, often retreating to the oceanic dream world in her head. general themes of escapism, growing up, and self-acceptance. inspired heavily by mob psycho 100 and i want to eat your pancreas
Fruit Punch - slice-of-life story about girls boxing and falling in love. this is one of my newer ones so i don't have much to say about it, but i will evenutally. :]
08.16.24 // 1:57am_
i am finally back in a mood where i gaf enough to sit down and change around my site theme. i was almost tempted to delete everything and start new, but i'm glad that i didn't. although i love the look of cluttered and interactive sites, i think it's best if i keep my stuff minimal for now. i honestly think all my site needs is a simple about page, a blog, links, music, and extensive pages on my OC projects, and that's it.
in terms of real life events: i got into a program that i've been dreaming about ever since i started college, and i am so insanely excited for classes to start. i'll probably be talking about it in waves over the course of the next two years. this is going to be the second time in my life that i'm actually going to be getting hands-on experience with my future career, and i couldn't be happier with where i'm doing it. i won't get too detailed, but bottom line is i'm going to be learning, and i'm so thankful for everything that has led me here.
i also got my little etsy store running!!! i'm back on my sticker creation grind. i wanna talk about it in depth eventually, but i'm too tired right now. but overall, it has been so fun to continue making stickers while getting some money on the side. the last time i ran an etsy store, i almost lost my mind trying to micromanage it. never again will i take on more than i think i can realistically do, and never again will i pressure myself into agreeing to anything just because said person i'm agreeing with is my friend.
i have a whole thing that i want to write about in terms of art. i've had a lot of thoughts about my relationship with art and just creating in general. some things i want to take note of and continue to remind myself:
care more about being sincere and true to yourself more than you do being an artist
if it's not fun and self indulgent... shut it tf down!!!
art is what YOU want it to be. you don't owe anyone anything. if you want to draw just for the hell of it without the specific desire to improve... that is fine. ""bad"" art has a right to exist. ""bad"" art doesn't mean a thing if you love it and you see yourself in it
these are all more or less statements / philosophies that i've gathered from various blog posts / tweets from a few of my favorite artists. i don't know if it's polite to link people so i won't, but all of this is something i try to personally remind myself when i get too in my head about drawing. for the longest time i would drive myself crazy over making things that would make other people happy and be the best to "market" myself, and while of course doing that is important if you're planning on making a living off of your artwork, you run the risk of creating things that aren't true to yourself. which, yeah, is just a thing that sometimes happens when you're a person that makes anything, whether it be drawings or music, etc. but idk. now that my goal isn't to work in the industry / live SOLELY off my art anymore. holy shit i just want this to be FUN. i always say that to myself. if my art isn't self-indulgent, if it's not ME, then why am i doing it?
whenever i talk about this i end up deleting it just to talk about it like 5 months later at the risk of sounding overly dramatic / like i'm stating the obvious but... yeah, i'm gonna try to do more of what i want. for the past year i've been thinking about all of my stories that i want to turn into little rpgmaker games. i know i can do it, but i just need to properly set aside the time for that. at the heart of it all, i just want to focus more on my little stories and less on marketability / pandering to others. i am holding myself accountable... i WILL make comics, site pages, and stupid little games of my characters!!! and it's going to be so fun.
btww here's my itch.io... there is absolutely NOTHING on there yet, but there will be one day
3.26.24 // 12:50am_
finally finished messing around with my 3ds. the tutorial was stupid easy (way easier than i thought), and i'm SO excited to finally play every single pokemon game i missed when i was a kid without having to pay crazy amounts of money
3.17.24 // 12am_
i keep staring at my empty 'sketch log' in the art page ever since discord got rid of hotlinking (my fault for being lazy and choosing discord to host all my files in the first place) and LOLLLLLLL. i do NOT wanna go back and reupload all my files rn so it's just been barren for weeks
3.17.24 // 12:15am_
✱ spent the night resarching wholesale suppliers to produce my charm designs. i've only used one supplier my whole life, and branching out is kind of giving me a headache lmao
considering givin up and finding a way to just do it myself like i always do. i hate the extra talk and waiting that goes into outsourcing.
✱ i've been sketching a lot of sticker and charm designs in my notebooks which i eventually wanna share in my art archive
3.13.24 // 8:09pm_
✱ so i got the piercings, and FORTUNATELY for me, my piercer is fucking awesome and honest with me. i went into the appointment wanting two extra lobe piercings on both of my ears to make triples, but she told me that ear anatomy wouldn't work the best for them. and if i did want them anyways, she could do it, she'd just have to space them extremely close to each other, or i'd have to suffer the pain of having my third piercing being right on my cartilage
ofc i listened to her and just got my doubles. super happy about it still, and they've been healing nicely for the past couple days. i'm certain if i tried to cheap out (which i never would on piercings) and went to get my ears done at claire's or something, they wouldn't have told me to not get my triples done, and i'd be in severe pain rn.
✱ thinking about getting back into using my DS so listing out some games that i'm going to try and get:
every pokemon game, specifically black and white
every mysims game
SQUEEBALLS
???
i just miss the DS in general, and i'm still sad about nintendo dropping it. praying the switch doesn't get shelved too
3.8.24 // 3:47pm_
✱ countdown to getting four ear piercings: 14-ish hours
still figuring out what to add to my layout to make it a little more flashy while still keeping the minimalist vibe. i'm thinking of making an alternate ocean-themed version
✱ ok i finally purged everything. simple layout is easier on my eyes right now
3.6.24 // 9:28pm_
✱ thinking of nuking my whole layout and making it more simplistic.
✱ just booked another piercing appointment and i'm nervous LOL
✱ live action atla is mkaing me want to rewatch the whole series
3.5.24 // 8:21pm_
SHE'S GETTING MY ART TATTED ON HER RN AS WE SPEAK.
3.5.24 // 1:44am_
✱ i've been sleeping so well recently, but i'm breaking it just this one night to work on a tattoo for someone close to me
i'm really thankful that 1) she has me so i can get her tattoo looking exactly how she wants for free 2) she trusts me enough to draw her tattoos despite that not being my niche in terms of art. it's kind of anxiety-inducing, knowing that somethign i draw is going to permanently be on someone else's body, but it's really flattering, and i'm thankful for that trust. i'm currently still awake waiting for her to respond. she's running around shopping in japan right now though, which is probably why i'm still waiting LOL
✱ life has been so extremely busy but really good. i've been brainstorming a lot of things about my shop, and i'm super excited about it. i discovered this artist / shop runner online recently who runs their business completley on their own out of their own home, and uses it as their one source of income to pay for said home (and all other expenses). she's hustling every single day to advertise and create her clothing line and artwork, and it's part of what jumpstarted me to want to get back to my own shop. i love making stickers and pins and just in general being able to share my art in physical forms with other people. i had a really bad burn out that made me hate it, but now i'm ready to make more fun things in an actual healthy, regulated, and more knowledgable way
took me so long to realize that it was a leap year. i think it's lucky!
i was talking and catching up with ema today, and we established that it's officially been 2 and (almost) a half years since we met in such a random way during an odd period in both of our lives
thinking back to all my first meetings with all my best friends makes me so happy, considering all the little things that led to that moment aligned perfeclty in order for us two to meet, out of the billions of other people in the world.
our friendship is genuinely one of the best things that ever happened to me, and i'll always be thankful to have someone i can trust so fully and literally consider my sister even across a 13 hour time difference. we have such shockingly similar interests, opinions, and past experiences, that it makes me feel like i used up 5 years of luck by meeting her. thank you cookie run and modern technology for having advanced just enough for us to be able to know each other from across the world
CORNY ALERT but seriously i really hope everyone meets at least one person in life that you really feel like actually gets you and everything you say, because it's seriously the most peaceful feeling in the world
overall: YAY BEST FRIENDS. I LOVE LIFE (hello ema if you ever happen to see this one day; i love you!!!)
purged this part of the site for now lol! gotta find a better balance
i got a new journal (i love it), and i've been writing a lot more in it than anywhere else. will probably throw up some scans of it up here sometime. currently using it to plan my shop stuff, which i can hopefully show some progress from (designs and plans) soon
i also deleted my site profile temporarily. i enjoy sharing things always, but i've been feeling a little paranoid lately for some reason
