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  • Jan.29.2023 [7:53pm]

    the other day i finally got a new animation program! i'm super excited about it.

    for the past 10-ish years of my life i've been using an old ass version of flash. the fact that it's free is the reason i stuck with it for so long.

    i recently just looked into tvpaint after considering it for so long (which tbh i really should've done a long time ago. it was not hard to adapt to it)

    i love flash but it's been so annoying to make linework in there, for me, at least. i struggled with making clean animations bc i hated the way the pencil tool would look and constantly correct/stabilize itself even if i turned it all the way off, and the brush tool was just way too shaky for me for some reason. with tvpaint i'm actually able to create clean art and it's like i'm drawing in cps or something!

    tvpaint has so many amazing features and i'm looking forward to learning more about it. i hope i can make more cute animations now that i have a program i like :)

    look at the cute layout!!!

    Jan.24.2023 [6:16pm]

    the last semester of my sophomore year started yesterday. excited to get closer to finishing college

    i took a small break from putting together etsy orders just now, but i am SO so thankful. i only have 5 left to go before i am officially DONE. not completely for good but at least for a long while. although it's been fun, if i'm being completely fucking honest i've been done with running an etsy shop for a while.

    it felt nice to get sell my art physically in sticker and keychain form instead of through just digital commissions, but for right now, it's just too much for me to manage. the shop helped me learn a lot about mass production, suppliers, and general info on running a store. i also realized, that i work better on art-related things alone, and that i also don't enjoy juggling an online store, college work, a part-time job, spending time with family, AND going out in my personal life all at once.

    my time doing etsy was so fun and informative, but it was probably one of my biggest stressors for the past year.

    also as i get older, shit's just been getting better and better. i think aging has brought me nothing but happiness lol! the mindset that i like to look at things through is that nothing is ever that serious. everything that's ever scared me, i've downplayed like hell, and it's a positive experience in some way or another all the time.

    i find myself getting annoyed as hell when people try to look too deeply into the things i do, too. like sometimes i make a decision and it has nothing to do with anything else.

    like... you can change your life at any moment and make a sudden decision if you want! sometimes things have to do with other things and other times it's just an isolated random decision with little meaning behind it, and that's fine. i think life is really really simple. either do it or dont. move forward or don't. fall in love or don't. take a chance or don't.

    sometimes things and changes in life don't have a deep meaning or purpose or undertone behind it, and i think it would be a lot easier for some people if every little thing wasn't treated that way. there are times where i just do things for no reason other than i felt like doing them, and i wish i could do certain things without people condescendingly trying to assign some complex insightful reason for it.

    this is me venting about a specific set of ppl lol, but i gotta get it out.

    and to end it off... i got this thing in the mail a few days ago

    i've been wanting something pucca-related to just have for display for a while, and i'm glad it was this stupid thing! it's cute and also serves as a place to put all my random change. i hope i can fill my room with more cute things from series that give me nostalgia

    Jan.19.2023 [11:15pm]

    i got back into the groove of my 'waking up at 7am' schedule again. it is so hard for me to wake up early unless i have a strict reason that i will face consequences for if i don't

    it's one of the things i had to get used to, especially because of my job.

    i wanted to talk a little about my job just because i love it so much, and i've been really feeling comfortable there as of recently. despite being "fast food," only a small amount of crew is working at one time and it's REALLY open. i can move around freely and my managers are the sweetest ladies ever. i've worked 4 jobs so far (including my current one), and it's the only one that i'm gonna be sad to leave when i actually get my degree.

    i applied there after quitting my last job in retail. i want to say that it's the job i hated most but tbh that's not true. my first job i tutored children for the shittiest pay in my life, and was led by a rude asshole that didn't care about the kids at all.

    my second job, i got in because of a friend, but it was still so lonely. i don't care about name-dropping this one because it was absolutely horrible. i worked at panera. watching the disgusting hygiene practices and how the managers would let baguettes sit out overnight and grow stale with flies getting all over them made me never want to eat there again. everyone was an asshole or annoying, and there was NO space to move. it was claustrophobic and genuinely anxiety-inducing

    third job, i worked with my boyfriend, but i learned quickly that retail is not my thing. too much headache for minimum wage. also all but one of my managers were nice

    cut forward to now, i am getting paid so well, and that's not even including the amazing tips we got on busy weekends. i get free food on shift (which really helps with my picky eating problems), and everyone there makes me so so happy. it's crazy. EVERYONE is nice. there's a lot of downtime, too, and i get to talk to everyone. practically no one is a stranger to me if i've worked a few shifts with them

    i've basically been working regularly since i was 16-18(?), so like around the time i finished high school. i found out really quick that i love being busy. in the period of time between my retail job to my current job, i was unemployed for maybe 2-3 months. it was fine at first, and then i gradually got more and more anxious. i feel bad when i'm not working. also having no income made me feel really bad. i don't like asking my parents for money, and it's really liberating to never have to do that anymore, especially since i'm 20.

    all this to say, i'm so thankful to be someone lucky enough to like my job and have a place so close to me that i feel actually happy to clock into.

    Jan.18.2023 [10:25pm]

    :( <3

    once again so thankful to have this site so i can be an annoying cunt in peace.

    so i just finished the final episode of mob psycho and it was so SO lovely. i'm not a show critic, and despite being an "artist" and liking stuff in that vein, i really do not know how to critique or analyze art well.

    really all i can say is that the story was so silly and genuinely funny to me. all the characters are charming in their own way and likeable, even if they were only on-screen for a short time. also all the relationships that were built between the characters were really nice to watch. the brotherly type of relationship building between reigen and mob and how they both helped each other find themselves was sweet as hell. all the friendships built between the students never seem showy or forced at all. idk how else to say it. it's just so sweet and nice!

    the overaching message of "you're not special or different from anybody else, so why not just try and do what you really want to do and express yourself as you really are" is so simple but so sentimental.

    it's so refreshing to see a simple yet extremely sweet message like that in a show, especially in an anime.

    i'm fine with anime, but it's not something i'm really crazy over. i'm a little bored of the message/trope of "you are the chosen one. you are the hero and you're special and granted with these powers/strength/abilities. you need to go out and save the world." i also prefer cartoon-ish / western styles, and i think that's another reason i love mp100 so much.

    i know the art style is a lot of reason the show gets critique and why a lot of people refuse to start watching it, but i think it's so endearing and nice to see how the show kept ONE's art style intact. the art style is honestly one of the things that drew me into the show and made it stick out to me so much. i especially love how they kind of mix mediums at certain points, like when they pull out a whiteboard erasing animation, an rpg video game looking shot, or some weird 3d shit

    the animation throughout all of season 3 was so pretty. all the fight scenes were so fun to watch, too. even just small stuff that everyone has already touched on over and over, like the fun animation they do with reigen's hands, is just so visually appealing. shots where the fps went up by a lot, especially in the scene in season 2 with the stalker, i loved it so much. it looked amazing and really accentuated / drew attention to the creepiness of the guy they were showing.

    i don't know much else to say other than this is definitely the one of the only handful of animes that i genuinely think i will remember for a while and feel inclined to watch again. all in all it was just really inspiring and i'm so glad it got to have all of its story animated, despite not being as popular as a lot of other shows. it deserved it.



    Jan.18.2023 [8:31pm]

    pausing work out just bc i need to log my thoughts abt what i've watched so far. i made it to season 3 finally, and i'm glad i'm not too late to watching it, since it originally aired sometime around christmas i think.

    season 3 has been so sweet so far. i loved the episode about the aliens :(( the animation was so fluid and visually pleasing to look at.

    idk how the fuck ONE managed to write his characters so well. even the guys that are meant to be the assholes of the story are still likeable/relatable in some way, and seem to get some sort of redemption in the end, even if it's kinda vague. whenever i watch a show, although not often, i always have one character i hate, but i never found myself hating any single one of mob psycho's characters. it's really nice

    i'm currently on episode 11. all i can hope for right now is that dimple is somehow still around, and that mob gets a happy positive ending with tsubomi. like i don't care... that's all i want

    Jan.17.2023 [7:51pm]

    something came in the mail...

    click to open...


    it's kind of fucked up looking but in an endearing way. going on bag IMMEDIATELY.

    Jan.17.2023 [2:39am]

    i just watched ep7 of season 2, and my heart is so full. mob psycho 100 is genuinely one of my favorite shows now. i put off watching season 2 (and also reading it back when only season 1 was out) just because of how uncomfortable the mogami arc made me in the books, especially the part with the cat. i remember deciding to stop reading anything after that point. still i'm really glad i finally got around to actually watching it, even though i'm years late to the party. it's so dumb and sweet.

    also i will say, i HATE any parts in shows that deal with secondhand embarrassment. i genuinely have to skip through things if a bit's comedy/plot relies on that

    i really hope some happier shit happens now tho bc s2 is making me a little too sad lmao. although it's refreshing to actually be enjoying a show that's completely new to me again

    currently listening...

    Jan.17.2023 [1:28am]

    everything is better now

    Jan.16.2023 [11:30pm]

    currently wearing a face mask while watching mp100 episodes that i've never seen before, and i found out i actually don't have work tomorrow, unlike what i originally thought. having a very peaceful night:)

    also i just got to the mogami arc and i'm so so uncomfortable watching it. i was even more uncomfortable just reading it

    Jan.14.2023 [11:11pm]

    visited my bf and got to meet some of his extended family. i helped roll some dough for his grandmother's dish. it was rly fun and sooo good. i love food

    i've been thinking about getting ear piercings, and i currently have a date with a friend for sometime in february. i'm really excited, but i haven't pinned down what kind i want to get. i've always wanted doubles, but i'm unsure if they're the ones i wanna do first. hopefully i decide by then

    also i'm thinking of getting back into animation again. i've been using the same program for at least 8 years now, and it's great and all. the selling point for me is that it was free lol, but it is so extremely limiting for me. i've been looking into learning tvpaint maybee

    currently listening...

    Jan.14.2023 [1:38am]

    i'm gonna start including the time on my posts :D

    this past week i've had an amazing sleep schedule. i've been waking up at 7am every day and then actually getting tired at a proper time. it extends my day so much (obviously), and it makes me feel so good. unfortunately i messed that up today, but i was spending it in a fun way, so i think it's fine. i hope i can bounce back from today. also i think ppl that brag about not getting sleep r so annoying lol

    my next semester is starting to creep up on me, and i need to get back to being productive and cut back on my time-wasting habits. before break ends, i seriously need to send out my last batch of etsy orders that i've been sitting on for a while and stressing me the hell out

    also i started reading the bone comics again! i'm trying to actually finish them this time- like 10+ years later lol, because i've always been curious about the whole story. i'm so so in love with the art and the silly characters, and i'm having such a good time revisiting the comic.

    currently listening...

    Jan.12.2023

    i went back to check on my old deviantart profiles (two of them), and it made me laugh. in a nice way

    it amazes me just how much of an art machine i was. i'm really really thankful i had enough foresight to archive a bunch of my art on that site forever, but i get really sad remembering how i lost a whole hard drive of my silly powerpuff girls characters from when i was 6-9 years old. i would be having such a kick rn if i was able to look back on it. now i can just vaguely remember it all

    Jan.11.2023

    i think it's funny how i'm still able to go out in the middle of january without a winter coat and be completely fine, warm even. every year winter just gets warmer and shorter. scary

    i didn't get the chance to draw today, although i wanted to. i personally feel like i have gotten to the point where i have developed something of my own style, but i'm not completely happy with it yet. i really love simplistic yet detailed styles. i love making simple faces, like little dot eyes on some characters while others have square eyes or weird oval ones. i think it's really charming when a simple, cartoony face is put on an extremely detailed body in an extremely detailed background. i don't think i've fully achieved this yet, but i love the look of it. i'm trying to figure out what it is exactly that i like about all of my favorite artists' styles, so i can hopefully pull bits out that i can combine and experiment with to fully form my own.

    a goal of mine this year is to get a better grasp of color and shading, as well as make my art darker/grimier. while i like bright colors and rly saturated looks, i also really like muddy dark artwork. i think it'd be nice if i learned how to balance the two.

    two artists i've been really inspired by (for a long time but especially recently) are koymilke and momopatchi. i could literally stare at both of their artwork for hours LOL. i hope this year i get a little closer to knowing how to render, understand color, and make expressive linework like they can

    off the topic of art, i got to hang out with a friend before his break ended. we went to a book store and i got the first volume of goodnight punpun. i was on the fence about it, as i always am when buying books, but i struggle really bad with reading books/comics online. i CAN do it, but i always forget or get distracted way too easy if i'm not holding a physical copy. i've been trying to get through goodnight punpun for at least 3 years now, and just today i was able to get through the first volume. i really love the art style and the storytelling. i hope i can finish the rest of it soon so i can give my thoughts and look at what other ppl have to say about it without getting spoiled.

    also lol ever since i got my first piercing i've been playing with it nonstop. i'm itching to get a bunch of ear piercings when i get the chance (and more money)

    currently listening...

    Jan.9.2023

    hiii... i think i've finally gotten my site to a point where i'm decently happy with how it looks :) i get really into customizing things, and i can never decide on a specific theme/set of colors and it just gets me pissed when i can't get to something i like. i don't really know how to code at all, except for basic things like inserting images, links, etc. etc., so it put me off from making a neocities for the longest time (despite always wanting to), and i'm really glad i had the time to make one :) this was sooo fun and i hope i keep up with updating it. i literally love just having a little site that i can do whatever with.

    for this page, i don't think it'll be too crazy, just posting a little update every now and then if something fun happens or if i just feel like it. i hate the feeling of being perceived as "corny" so much, so i'm always wrestling with how to present myself on the internet. i always feel like i'm being either too serious/blunt or silly and familiar on my different art pages, and i always find myself trying to pull back and readjust. i constantly feel annoying when i post something fun when compared to my more "serious/professional" art mutuals, so i just try to be more reserved with what i post/say. on neocities i'm not like. blasting anyone with my words (who is prob just there to see my art) like i would be on instagram or something, so i feel a little less uneasy about what someone may think when they come on my page.

    i've been doing a lot more thinking on what i want to do with my art in the future. when i was younger, i was so certain i wanted to work in the art industry, and now i'm not so sure. i've flip-flopped over and over for years. like i love art but i genuinely don't think i'd enjoy working at a studio or living off of commission work. i think if i ever went into art, it'd have to be something i do with a close friend. otherwise, i think i've found happiness in deciding not to monetize my art/make it my source of income and just have it be something i do.

    i get so nervous thinking about how competitive the art world is, and how even if i were to go to art school, it might not mean shit and i might hate it and all my money/time will be wasted. right now i'm really just happy with no deadlines just drawing things i think are fun.

    i didn't start posting art publicly again until late last year, around december. i was really unmotivated and uninspired to draw. like i hated how my page looked, being flooded by tons and tons of soulless fan art, but i didn't really care to draw anything else. i didn't have anything i was into that i wanted to make fan art of, either. i definitely feel like my art was more genuine around quarantine when i was obsessed with drawing out my feelings, but i lost that somewhere in 2021 idk.

    the main reason i was able to repair my relationship with art was one of my best friends, olivia. i've always had a hard time making stories + characters and actually sticking to it, but olivia is probably my main motivation to keep trying. i really admire other artists that have a huge story and a bunch of memorable characters that they get to do anything with and chip away at whenever they feel like. there's always so much heart put into people's personal stories, and i felt like i could never get attached enough to someting to actually put effort into writing/consistently drawing and building upon the same characters, but it's something she helped me find and have a lot of fun with.

    i still love making fan art, but it makes me happy to know that i have something that's just hers and mine

    currently listening...